


Thinking out loud

by dreamingbook



Category: Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-06-10 07:26:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 2,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15286683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamingbook/pseuds/dreamingbook
Summary: Random drabbles





	1. Coming Home

* ****Coming Home*****

 

 

The bus ride back to the hotel was quiet. The silence loud and deafening and Eric felt the weight of it heavy on his shoulders. Next to him Dele was staring out of the window, hands in his lap, earphones around his neck. He wasn’t listening to music and Eric understood. There wasn’t really anything that could help to cheer them up.

They lost the game.

They lost the game and all that was left was the heavy disappointment stuffing the air around them.

Eric sighed trying to find a comfortable position in his seat but it was nearly impossible. He felt like the seat didn’t want him  – like Eric was the leftover  piece in a big puzzle.

Out of instinct he reached over for one of Dele’s hands and entangled their fingers together, his mind looking for comfort.

Looking for something that _fit_.

Dele didn’t turn to look at him but Eric felt his fingers tighten around his and he squeezed back, holding on.

It didn’t take his sadness away but it felt good knowing he wasn’t all alone.

Eric knew it would take quite some time for them to feel normal again, to be okay with the fact that they were going home.

They  _were_ going home but there was no doubt that one day they would be back. 


	2. "One of them is missing"

*** **"One of them is missing"** ***

 

 

“One of them is missing.” Eric says eyeing his closet suspiciously. He’s staring at his collection of jumpers. There’s mostly dark colours, black and grey and some shades of  blue. They are neatly folded like they always are but something is definitely missing.

“Are you sure?” Dele asks peeking over Eric’s shoulder into the open closet.

“Yes, I’m sure! I could have sworn I owned a red one.” Eric frowns and Dele grimaces.

“Red? Are you a secret Arsenal fan?” He looks like the colour personally offends him and Eric rolls his eyes.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” He says because he might not be actively playing football anymore but he still knows where his loyalties lie. “It was a nice jumper.”

“Hmm.” Dele hums and hugs Eric from behind, arms sneaking around his waist. “I’m sure you’ll find it again. Or you could just buy yourself a new one, if owning something red is so important to you.”

***

Later when they’re cuddled on the couch together something strikes Eric as odd. He can’t put his finger on it  until he realises.

Dele is wearing his missing jumper. He looks like he owns the thing, even though it’s slightly too big on his frame. Eric’s heart flutters strangely at the sight.

“You are a thief.” he says accusingly, poking at the fabric but Dele just shrugs, pressing his back closer to Eric’s chest.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dele says feigning innocence and Eric shakes his head at him fondly.

“It looks good on you.” He says quietly into Dele’s hair because it’s true. The red is perfectly harmonizing with the shade of his skin and his similar dark curls.

“Good, because you’re not getting it back.”

Eric laughs when he realises that he actually doesn’t mind. He loves that jumper but he loves Dele wearing it even more.

 


	3. "We can't keep doing this"

*****"We can't keep doing this"*****

 

“We can’t keep doing this.” Eric says looking at Dele. It feels wrong saying those words, bitter and stale inside his mouth. The truth sometimes tastes aweful and maybe Eric’s heart doesn’t stand behind it but his head does. He has to think clear.

“I know.” Dele says staring at his hands. He knows and Eric knows but what if they don’t know it at all. Eric can feel the heat radiating from the body sitting next to him, the smell of sweet flowers too close. It’s the opposite scent of the conversation they’re having.

“Doesn’t mean we should stop doing it though” Dele continues shrugging before looking at Eric with brown eyes. They are  intense and questioning and Eric wants to put the answer on his lips. Dele doesn’t look tired not like Eric feels and there’s the spark of hope lingering in the corner of his eye making Eric’s heart skip a beat.

“There’ll be rumours “ Eric says quietly but Dele shakes his head. “There already are.“

They are silent for a moment and Eric thinks. It’s not for the first time they have this conversation and not for the first time that he’s not believing in what his mouth is saying. Maybe it’s time to stop.

_ They can’t keep doing this. _

With every silent word Eric’s heart beats faster so loud that he can’t hear his mind anymore.

His fingers find Dele’s, touching them lightly. It’s light and dark making grey and Eric wonders if there’ll ever be a compromise to the conflict that are his feelings.

“I won’t stop kissing you” Dele says. 

_ I don’t want you to stop _ , Eric thinks.

They can’t keep doing this but they still do it over and over again until their lips start bruising and their minds start forgetting, so their hearts can remember.


	4. First

*****First*****

 

The first _touch_ is like fire. Energy flowing down his Spine like an electric current and Eric feels himself shiver from the hot fingertips crawling all over his skin.

 

The first _Look_ is like water drowning him in a sea of sensations. Eric thinks he might be able to swim in Dele’s eyes forever, get lost in his mind and never return to the surface. 

 

The first _kiss_ is like a storm and all the air gets knocked out of Eric's lungs. He doesn't have to breathe anymore as long as Dele’s mouth is on his lips. It's all the oxygen that he needs.

 

The first _smile_ is like a garden full of roses, green trees and the view after climbing a mountain. Eric feels the lightness of it consume him and the earth might stops  turning for a while.

 

The first _I love you_ is the start of a new beginning and Eric knows that there will never be a _last._

 


	5. chocolate

**  
**One thing Eric noticed since being in a relationship with Dele was that the boy he was sweet. **  
**

Cute and caring but mostly sweet.

It was the little things.

When Eric felt sadness creeping up on him and the world became a bit too much, he would find his favorite pieces of chocolate all over his house with little notes attached to them.

Notes that contained mostly hearts and often messages with words that made Eric melt inside.

Sometimes it was just Dele hugging him after a long day and the “Is everything alright?” questions when Eric was feeling grumpy.

Dele was still a little shit most of the time but Eric knew inside Dele’s chest there was a giant syrupy thing, sweet and sugary like the chocolate he kept leaving on Eric’s pillow.

It made Eric love him even more.


	6. birthday

Eric is three when he gets his first football for his birthday. He thinks it’s the best present he ever recieved  until he gets his first football shoes on his sixth birthday.

He doesn’t take them off until he absolutely has to and his mum threatens to throw them away

On his 13th birthday his dad gets him tickets to see his favorite band and he doesn’t stop talking about it for a month.

His dogs are a present from his grandparents for his 21st birthday when he’s settled in London living his dream. Eric can’t imagine living without them.

Eric has recieved a lot of great presents in his life but on his 24th birthday he starts to wonder  if there would ever be something better than the gift that was Dele.


	7. stars

“The stars look beautiful tonight.”  Dele says and Eric looks up into the sky from where he’s lying on the gras.

He feels quite good having Dele in his arms and the night comfortable around them like a big blanket.

“There are no stars above London.” Eric says frowning because all he can see is darkness and the light shimmer of the moon.

“There are always stars. You just have to know where to look for them.” Dele says, cuddling closer and Eric tightens his grip around him.

“Since when do you know so much about astrology? I didn’t think it was something that interests you.” Eric asks surprised. He’s known Dele for a long time and yet he learns something new about him everyday.

“I don’t.” Dele says and Eric draws his eyebrows in confusion. Dele smiles at him.

“Who said I was talking about the stars in the sky? Maybe I was talking about my personal star.”

Eric stares at him before it finally clicks and he starts laughing.

“You’re an idiot.” He says shaking his head but he can’t keep the fondness out of his voice.

“Yeah but I’m  _your_  idiot.”

That he was.


	8. diary

**  
**“What are you doing?” Eric asks Dele who is sitting at the dining table scribbling something into a small little book. **  
**

“Nothing.” Dele replies not looking up but he keeps on writing. Eric frowns because his boyfriend is clearly lying to him.

“Nothing looks a lot like something.” He says.

“Don’t you have something better to do than to annoy me? This is very important.” Dele glares at him and Eric feels taken aback.

“I thought it was nothing.” Eric says before walking around the table so that he’s standing behind Dele. 

“Wait..,” Eric pauses leaning over Dele’s shoulder. “Are you writing a  _diary_?” He asks incredulous because that was not what he expected.

“No.” Dele says crossing his arms defensively over the book.

“It literally says  _Dear Diary_  at the top.”

“Fine. I write a diary.” Dele says still sounding defensively as if he has to apologize for it. “It’s normal, a lot of people do it.”

“I didn’t say it was bad.” Eric says and shrugs because writing things down was a good coping mechanism a lot of the time. He knew that it helped to keep emotions from being overwhelming sometimes.

“There’s something missing though.” Eric says stealing the pen and taking the sleek black book out of Dele’s hands.

He opens a blank page before writing D + E in big bold letters and encircling them with a giant heart .

“Now it’s a  _real_ diary.” He says and laughs when Dele punches him in the shoulder.


	9. final

_ Thump. Thump. Thump. _

 

Eric doesn’t want to let himself think about it. 

 

_ Thump.      Thump.      Thump. _

 

It’s too soon and yet so close. 

 

_ Thump.      Thump.       Thump. _

 

He’s still running and his heart is threatening to burst out of his chest. 

 

_ Thump.     Thump.      Thump. _

 

4 minutes left. 

 

_ Thump.     Thump.      Thump. _

 

120 seconds. 

 

_ Thump.     Thump.       Thump. _

 

The whistle blows. There’s someone jumping into Eric’s arms and he holds on tight.

 

_ Thump.       Thump.        Thump. _

 

The referees decision is final. 

 

It’s coming home. 


	10. heartache

Eric had been hurt a lot of times. The sport making it inevitable to stay healthy all the time. He was beaten and trampled on, muscles teared and ribs cracked but all of this was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. **  
**

His chest felt tight, muscles constricting uncomfortably.

No one had Eric prepared for the heartache that he felt when it was all over.

His boots were in his hands, old and shaken up, looking like the best years had been behind them. Today it had been the last day he wore them, the last time he was on the pitch as a player.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it in silent comfort.

“It’s going to be okay.” Dele said quietly and Eric nodded because people had done it before. There had always been an expiration date on his active career but still, today came too fast.

Eric  reached for Dele’s hand on his shoulder to keep Dele from moving away.

He didn’t move and Eric was greatful. His heart  _ached_  but there was someone right beside him making it bearable.


	11. Netflix and Chilling

**Netflix and chilling.**

“Sooo… “ Eric drawls, pushing his back against the couch cushions, placing the bowl of grapes back on the table, before looking at Dele with his eyebrows raised.

“Netflix and chilling huh?”

Dele shrugs, acting as if he doesn’t know what Eric is talking about. As much as Dele feigns dumbness sometimes, Eric knows it’s an act most of the time.

Eric knows that Dele knows that  _he_  knows.

“Is that something you would like to do someday?” Eric asks because fuck it, honestly. Dele just basically cuddled him on national TV.

They’ve been there before but this time it felt different.. more tender and Eric wants..  _craves_  Dele’s touch sometimes that it scares him.. More than haunting of the hill house did and that was pretty damn scary.

Dele’s head whips around so fast, Eric is sure he hears his neck crack. His eyes are wide and Eric can basically see his mind rattling.

“What?”

Oh well maybe Eric did read the situation completely wrong and well.. This was going to be an awkward conversation.

“Uh nevermind.. “ he says and reaches for the grapes again, hoping Dele would just forget this entire thing ever happened.

“No.” Dele says and then. “Yes. I mean why would you ask that?”

“I don’t know. You’re the one who mentioned it on national TV. “

Also because I’m in love with you you idiot.

“You’re what? “

Did he just say the last part out loud?

“I’m in love with you. “ Eric repeats defeated and sighs, because the cat’s out of the bag now and there’s no point in denying it.

The grapes really look interesting.

“Eric.”

Yup, a very nice color. Wine red has always been one of Eric’s favorites.

“Look at me.” and then there’s a hand under his chin lifting it up, forcing Eric to look into Dele’s brown eyes. They are sparkling and Eric’s heart melts.

He’s so far gone.

“I would love to do some Netflix and chilling with you.” Dele says and Eric searches for a lie in his face. When he doesn’t find one he cracks a smile.

“Is that your way of saying you love me too. “

“It’s my way of saying that I’d love to see you naked very much, but not today, I’m afraid. This naked attraction thing was kind of off-putting. “

 _Liar,_  Eric thinks but It’s fine because Dele loves him.

“Are you sure?” he asks with a mischievous glint in his eyes that could rival Dele’s anytime, gesturing at his crotch. “because you haven’t seen  _this_  yet. “

Dele shuts him up with a kiss.


End file.
